‘Never compromise your self-story’ — Steven Bartlett

What story about yourself takes shape after a difficult decision?

A difficult moment does not always end when the situation is over. Sometimes a sentence stays with you: I did it. Or: I no longer believe I can do that. The following text explores this inner narrative through a conversation with boxer Chris Eubank Jr.

Steven Bartlett connects Eubank's experiences with the concept of a “self-story”. For your own journey, this raises a practical question: which experiences sustain your confidence, and how do you interpret them? Looking at an elite athlete's story can help you examine your own attitude more closely.

This law introduces a concept you have probably never heard of before: your “self-story”. It shows how your self-story influences your success and gives you a secret strategy for writing a better one, so that you can achieve great things.

“A lot of people don't realise this…” Chris Eubank Jr. said, leaning forward in his armchair as though sharing a secret.

Chris Eubank Jr., the professional boxer and son of Chris Eubank, the legendary International Boxing Hall of Fame member, had come to my home for an interview I had requested while preparing this book.

He continued:

“…but what makes a boxer is 80 per cent mental. The courage, instinct and endurance you need to walk through a crowd of thousands of people. As you walk, you know that once you reach the ring and climb those steps, you will have to take off your robe. The bell will ring, and you will have to fight someone. You are going to get hurt in front of millions of people watching around the world, and you are going to have to hurt someone else. That alone, that walk — most people on this planet couldn't do it. Just that walk, never mind the boxing part, takes enormous mental strength.”

Steven Bartlett: Do you think you could teach someone that mental strength?

Chris Eubank Jr.: I think so. I've seen fighters develop it, and you need it. There will be times in training, in sparring and certainly during a fight when you get badly hurt. You start questioning yourself. What am I doing here? Am I all right? Can I beat this guy? Should I give up? Should I try to get out of here? This is too much. Every fighter goes through that moment.

Steven Bartlett: Have you ever seriously considered giving up during a match?

A long pause.

Chris Eubank Jr.: Once I came close to giving up. Before I turned professional, I was in Cuba. Those guys out there are animals. They're monsters. I get into the ring for a straightforward sparring session, and then this Cuban Olympic heavyweight comes up the steps and gets in. At first, I thought he was getting into the ring to do some shadowboxing, to warm up for his own sparring session with someone else. Then everyone said, “No, you two are going to spar.” I was like, “Er, he's about three times my size. How is that supposed to work?” And they said, “Don't worry, he'll work with you. You're just going to do a bit of training.” So I thought: all right, fine. Let's go.

The bell rings for the first round, and he immediately comes at me, full contact. The hardest punches I've ever taken. Bam, bam, bam. I'm ducking, dodging, running around the ring. He just keeps following me. I can't shake him off.

Bam, bam, bam. He throws me straight out of the ring. From up there, it's a drop of almost a metre and a half onto concrete. I land on my knee, and my whole leg immediately goes numb. I try to stand up, and my leg won't work. I look up, and this Cuban heavyweight is leaning against the ropes, looking down at me. I'm at a mental crossroads and have to make a decision. Do I say, “Listen, my knee's in a bad way. You're just too big”? Or do I get back into the ring? I look around as I sit on the concrete. Everyone is watching me. My dad is there too. I made a decision. I thought, you know what, let's finish this damn thing. I got back into the ring, and the Cuban kept beating me up for two painful rounds. But all I could think was: I have to make it through three rounds, because I said I would do three rounds. I'm not leaving here as someone who quits. I couldn't forgive myself. I need to go home and sleep well. I can't go to sleep with a clear conscience knowing that another man forced me to give up. So I got back into the ring and took my beating. From that day on, I wasn't afraid any more. It was the worst experience of my life, but it was also the best, because now I knew what I was capable of. I knew I could keep going. If he couldn't make me give up, who could?

No one. And I carried that knowledge with me for the rest of my career.

Steven Bartlett: That's incredible. You're talking about a story you write about yourself, for yourself, and how much influence that story has on your future behaviour.

Chris Eubank Jr.: Exactly. It happens especially in training. Sometimes I'm running on the treadmill and suddenly get cramp in my calf. There are still eight minutes left, because I set the timer for forty minutes and have only run for thirty-two. So the cramp starts, and I keep running on one leg, limping, because if the treadmill can make me quit, what happens when I get into the ring and a guy hits me and it hurts? Then he'll make me quit too. This really matters, because it teaches you to believe that, however hard things get, you're the kind of person who can deal with anything.

It doesn't matter whether other people are watching or I'm the only one who knows I gave up. You mustn't give up even when no one is watching. You don't want that energy inside you. You have to keep those demons out. They're evil spirits, and if you let them in, they'll take charge!